I have said that
Ellos hablan presents the family as an intensely gender-divided space where mothers, sisters and other females are victims of violence and misogyny. In the stories in the book, women mostly appear in the background, accepting and often justifying the father’s violent manners and ethics in front of others in the family. The empathy for mothers and sisters in the disciplinary home environment varies. Those men who are not critical of their parents tend to replicate in adult life old parameters of objectification. Yet, most of the men in the book often blame their mothers for not defending them from their fathers. Some of the interviewees refer to traditional gender normativity as an intolerable instrument that, on the one hand, justifies males’ violent conduct as a consequence of their poor ability to delve into emotional issues and, on the other hand, dispossesses women of their identities. Maruán, the son of diplomats of Palestinian origin, reveals his view on the construction of womanhood in patriarchal Mexico when he says that ‘the male provider does not provide much’ while the woman must be the adult in the relationship and, at the same time, ‘is minimised’.
1 Ellos hablan, p.148. Maruán implies that women perform according to what they have learnt from other women: they assume the role of caregiver and obey males’ demands.
Similarly, Matías’ trauma lies in having grown up in a sexist, violent and discriminatory environment towards women. He recounts the relationship between his father, an aggressive and distant man, and his mother, an intelligent and hardworking woman: ‘My father rejects people like old clothes; he does the same with women’.
2 Spanish original: ‘Mi padre desecha a las personas como a la ropa vieja; con las mujeres hace igual’; Ellos hablan, p. 91. The father objectified the mother, while the mother justified his mistakes: ‘she said he was human’.
3 Spanish original: ‘decía que era humano’; Ellos hablan, p. 90. Matías calls these types of women ‘madres escudo’ (‘shield mothers’) – those in charge of educating children and correcting parents: ‘they focus on maintaining what we call the social fabric, which always starts with the family fabric’.
4 Spanish original: ‘se dedican a mantener zurcido lo que llamamos tejido social, que empieza siempre por el tejido familiar’; Ellos hablan, p. 89. Matías refers to the duality of the macho culture: on the one hand, it teaches men to compete with each other; on the other hand, it tells them that they must unite so as not to be beaten down by women. Competition between his father and his mother was initially established, while gender equality, which implied recognising female attributes, would have meant a loss of power for the father, a limited and insecure man.
Matías does not justify his father’s behaviour but rather presents him as someone who was never interested in being a father. Reproduction only serves to demonstrate his manliness, showing adherence to the patriarchal system: ‘There are men who live the fantasy of fatherhood as their coronation as patriarchs’.
5 Spanish original: ‘Hay hombres que viven la fantasía de la paternidad como su coronación como patriarcas’; Ellos hablan, pp. 92–93. Therefore, rather than being an example to follow, his father figure has helped Matías to know what kind of man he does not want to be: ‘I did good things for others, deep down to show me that I am good, that I am not selfish like my father, that he was always a tyrant in the office, racist, cruel to employees’.
6 Spanish original: ‘Hacía cosas buenas por los demás, en el fondo para demostrarme que soy bueno, que no soy egoísta como mi padre, que siempre fue un tirano en la oficina, racista, cruel con los empleados’; Ellos hablan, p. 92. Pablo, raised by a homosexual father and despot, declares resentment towards his mother for allowing others to humiliate her, all the time, in front of her three children and in front of the domestic staff.
7 Ellos hablan, p. 60. Pablo’s father insulted her and threatened to take her children from her and put her in a psychiatric hospital, where, Pablo says, several women were already hospitalised: ‘some of good class; they say that their husbands thus managed to get rid of them using power and influence’.
8 Spanish original: ‘algunas de buena clase; dicen que sus esposos así lograron deshacerse de ellas usando el poder y las influencias’; Ellos hablan, p. 61. Children, specifically the threat of losing them, are used by the father as a weapon to subdue the mother. Yet, Pablo’s lack of empathy for the physical abuse inflicted on his mother is surprising: ‘she was already an adult, she could have left, but it was her obligation to take care of us, right? If not, why do women have children?’
9 Spanish original: ‘ella ya era adulta, se podía haber ido, mas era su obligación cuidarnos, ¿no? Si no, ¿para qué tienen hijos las mujeres?’; Ellos hablan, p. 61. Pablo lacks a gender perspective, and this prevents him from empathising with his mother as a victim of repression. His understanding of motherhood is contradictory: on the one hand, he refers to his mother’s adult condition and with it to her decision-making capacity; on the other hand, her responsibilities as a mother limit the woman in her son’s eyes.
Pablo has internalised the patriarchal ethos, including its male hegemonic power and tendency for self-glorification. However, the lack of empathy for his mother extends into his emotional life with other women: ‘I am a womaniser: I know how to make them fall in love but I get bored very quickly. I am, as I said, a successful businessman and my private life is just that: private’.
10 Spanish original: ‘soy un donjuán: sé enamorarlas pero me aburro muy rápido. Soy, como ya dije, un empresario exitoso y mi vida privada es eso: privada’; Ellos hablan, p. 63. Unable to maintain a sentimental relationship, he thus supports the objectification of women.
Various testimonies reveal the idea that machismo is linked to the increasing incidences of and impunity over violent behaviours against women in patriarchal and corrupt Mexico, such as femicide, sex trafficking, forced prostitution and sexual harassment. In this regard, violence against women becomes a phenomenon that perpetuates violence against both women and girls. The gender-based violence in dysfunctional families helps to normalise the sexual objectification of women.
Juan the pimp provides the testimony that best describes the psychopathy of sex traffickers, rapists, abusers, paedophiles and pimps. He believes that sex trafficking, for which he is serving a prison sentence, is a profession and that women are objects of exchange: ‘What, have you ever seen how horses are educated? Love tames women’.
11 Spanish original: ‘¿Qué, nunca ha visto cómo se educa a los caballos? El amor doma a las mujeres’; Ellos hablan, pp. 130–31. He buys and sells women like property and, in this way, dispossesses them of their self-determination, subjectivity and autonomy. As I said before, Juan’s views are the result of the
machista upbringing by his father: ‘He taught me to be a girl trainer, that was fun while it lasted. Well, maybe it was not deceiving them and that, but they also tell lies’.
12 Spanish original: ‘A mí me enseñó a ser domador de chicas, eso estuvo divertido mientras duró. Bueno, a lo mejor no estuvo engañarlas y eso, pero ellas también dicen mentiras’; Ellos hablan, p. 132. Juan thus treats women as easily replaced objects in the sex business. Male sexual desire appears in this context as a powerful and cohesive weapon for negotiation, as well as the driving force that degrades and objectifies females. I have already said that Cacho presents sex trafficking and sexual exploitation as forms of political violence that result from the collaboration of the police, the military, traffickers and brothel clients. Cacho says that the vast majority of investigations into cases of sexual violence follow the same strategy: questioning the victim to the point of deactivating her desire to obtain justice, ‘exhausting her by systematic humiliation’.
13 Spanish original: ‘agotarla por la humillación sistemática’; Ellos hablan, p. 211. The recovery process for prostituted women therefore entails celebrating and privileging the individual’s ability to take advantage of critical situations for their own benefit.
Ultimately, Cacho celebrates ‘difference’ and the acceptance of human experiences that do not conform to the traditional normal–abnormal division. This perspective converts the trauma of ‘sexual objectification’ into a transitory experience that forces the sexually trafficked women to rethink who they are and, above all, to find their place in society. This approach nullifies the traditional and simplistic view of human existence and welcomes new, significant and productive meanings for girls and women who have been freed from trafficking and sexual exploitation worldwide.
In
Esclavas del poder, the testimonies collected from ex-combatants narrate how the US military and others created networks of sexual slavery of women and girls to reward their soldiers with sex, drugs and alcohol. In
Ellos hablan, Cacho refers again to the male hegemonic power in military settings and how this is sustained by hierarchical structures, obedience, competition and the use of force: ‘The perfect combo of violent masculinity, which appears heroic and which, due to its patriotism, allows crimes and sexual crimes to be committed, as well as the consumption of and demand for narcotics’.
14 Spanish original: ‘El combo perfecto de la masculinidad violenta, que aparece heroica y a la que, por su patriotismo, se le permite cometer delitos y crímenes sexuales, de consumo y demanda de estupefacientes’; Ellos hablan, p. 297. Cacho argues that the legal measures against global sex trafficking require changes in transnational agreements on the age of sexual consent; the regulation of the use of the internet and webcams, which facilitate the access of Western clients
to young women in developing regions and new independent states; and investigations into the increasing number of brothels in military and emergency settings, such as conflict and peacekeeping settings and refugee camps. Military violence is also celebrated in video games, children’s toys and education, for example through the glorified study of historical war episodes and in hierarchical structures and competitive environments that foster confrontation and competition among male students.
15 Ellos hablan, p. 173.She concludes that it seems that the only way to validate virility is to push boys towards misogyny: ‘paradoxically, hating the feminine and women leads them to become the worst versions of themselves’.
16 Spanish original: ‘de forma paradójica, odiar lo femenino y a las mujeres los lleva a convertirse en las peores versiones de sí mismos’; Ellos hablan, p. 283. Aiming to end misogyny returns us to the processes of disarming, reflecting on and renewing the concept of masculinity so that ‘in the world there are more children integrated into their feminine self, far from misogyny’.
17 Spanish original: ‘en el mundo habiten más niños integrados a su yo femenio, lejos de la misoginia’; Ellos hablan, p. 284. Male sexual desire and gender violence therefore operate as the driving forces that degrade and objectify females and perpetuate the
machista ethos.